fic in progress: Scott
Aug. 7th, 2013 10:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kaylentineSo in a (quite successful) attempt to not feel shitty, I started some angsty Scott fic.
(Spoilers for Oblivion.)
The thing is, Scott is not a selfless person. He knows that about himself, and he accepts that, because he has to put Jamie first and he can't afford to care too much about anyone else. He can't afford to give anything less than 100% for his twin.
It’s never been a conscious choice to become the big brother, the protector. It’s just the way of the world; the way it has been, the way it will always be.
It's not hard. It's not hard because he's selfish - in a very specific, roundabout, deceptively selfless way. His strain of selfishness is the uncompromising resolve to do what's best for Jamie, at all costs. Nothing can compromise Jamie's safety, not even his own. Nothing.
This mindset makes it easy. The decisions he makes are always obvious. The question he always asks is, ‘How can I look after him?’ When he's hit with the dart, he doesn't hesitate.
“Run, Jamie.”
***
They hook him up to machines and stick needles into his arms and a hard plastic tube down his throat, pump him with chemicals that burn and paralyse and confuse. They show him things that aren't real; they make him remember things he wants to forget.
It hurts, it hurts like acid, like knives, like so much pain he can't take it anymore, can't even scream anymore. Helpless, he's helpless, he wants to die because surely dying can’t be worse than this.
They show him how they kill Jamie.
He can't say he screams even harder, because to be honest everything else hurt a whole damn lot, but this just as painful as any physical torture. This is another part of him being destroyed, like his soul is being ripped apart.
If he were a bit more coherent, he might realise that it isn't true, that he hasn't seen his brother gunned down, or stabbed, or killed Jamie himself. But reality has no meaning anymore, and his whole world is pain.
At least Jamie isn't here. He'd briefly entertained thoughts of a rescue - but it isn't worth it. It isn't worth the risk; he couldn't live with himself if this happened to Jamie too.
***
Who's this boy, standing in front of him, looking at him in relief? He doesn't know, only watches blankly as the boy's expression turns to alarm, to desperation. He hears his name as if it's coming from a very far distance, from the other end of a long, echoing tunnel.
That voice. He knows it, he thinks, but it's so hard to speak. The other boy's eyes are filled with tears as he turns to the woman with reddish brown hair.
'What have they done to him?'
They lead him away, and he doesn't know where he's going, but he goes along with it because why resist? He's trying to think, but thinking is difficult, it's difficult just to process what's happening to him, to keep in the moment, to stop from drifting away.
They make their frantic getaway down the road. He’s only dimly aware of the urgency around him, the despairing looks the boy keeps shooting him; his brain is still muggy. But he’s concentrating as hard as he can, and when they shoot through a tunnel he realises where they are.
He doesn't know these people, or even himself, really, but he reaches out. Stop the car...
They climb out, and it's coming back in fragments, but it's coming back.
'I'm with you.'
***
(Spoilers for Oblivion.)
The thing is, Scott is not a selfless person. He knows that about himself, and he accepts that, because he has to put Jamie first and he can't afford to care too much about anyone else. He can't afford to give anything less than 100% for his twin.
It’s never been a conscious choice to become the big brother, the protector. It’s just the way of the world; the way it has been, the way it will always be.
It's not hard. It's not hard because he's selfish - in a very specific, roundabout, deceptively selfless way. His strain of selfishness is the uncompromising resolve to do what's best for Jamie, at all costs. Nothing can compromise Jamie's safety, not even his own. Nothing.
This mindset makes it easy. The decisions he makes are always obvious. The question he always asks is, ‘How can I look after him?’ When he's hit with the dart, he doesn't hesitate.
“Run, Jamie.”
They hook him up to machines and stick needles into his arms and a hard plastic tube down his throat, pump him with chemicals that burn and paralyse and confuse. They show him things that aren't real; they make him remember things he wants to forget.
It hurts, it hurts like acid, like knives, like so much pain he can't take it anymore, can't even scream anymore. Helpless, he's helpless, he wants to die because surely dying can’t be worse than this.
They show him how they kill Jamie.
He can't say he screams even harder, because to be honest everything else hurt a whole damn lot, but this just as painful as any physical torture. This is another part of him being destroyed, like his soul is being ripped apart.
If he were a bit more coherent, he might realise that it isn't true, that he hasn't seen his brother gunned down, or stabbed, or killed Jamie himself. But reality has no meaning anymore, and his whole world is pain.
At least Jamie isn't here. He'd briefly entertained thoughts of a rescue - but it isn't worth it. It isn't worth the risk; he couldn't live with himself if this happened to Jamie too.
Who's this boy, standing in front of him, looking at him in relief? He doesn't know, only watches blankly as the boy's expression turns to alarm, to desperation. He hears his name as if it's coming from a very far distance, from the other end of a long, echoing tunnel.
That voice. He knows it, he thinks, but it's so hard to speak. The other boy's eyes are filled with tears as he turns to the woman with reddish brown hair.
'What have they done to him?'
They lead him away, and he doesn't know where he's going, but he goes along with it because why resist? He's trying to think, but thinking is difficult, it's difficult just to process what's happening to him, to keep in the moment, to stop from drifting away.
They make their frantic getaway down the road. He’s only dimly aware of the urgency around him, the despairing looks the boy keeps shooting him; his brain is still muggy. But he’s concentrating as hard as he can, and when they shoot through a tunnel he realises where they are.
He doesn't know these people, or even himself, really, but he reaches out. Stop the car...
They climb out, and it's coming back in fragments, but it's coming back.
'I'm with you.'
